Just some thoughts…
I feel like I’m supposed to have words but I don’t. I have hate in my heart. I have fear for my life. Fear for my son’s life. I wish I could comfort those who need it but I’m empty. I’m just tired. Beyond exhausted. Undoubtedly distracted. I just want to delete everything but I can’t. I can’t NOT say anything.. cant NOT feel anything...what am I even supposed to do? I’m hurt today. Been hurt all week. People who you think are your friends are just familiar strangers. I gotta wear a damn mask everywhere...watching my back every turn in this environment. Don’t know who’s on my side or who isn’t. Don’t know Who understands and who doesn’t. People I have checked on when they were down don’t reach out. People who I have helped have shut me out but here I stand anyway...living and growing and learning every single step of the way. It’s just really frustrating and I just don’t want to talk but I would be just like the others who continue to bite their tongue on the injustice. Telling me to “Protest the right way” like they know what the fuck my life entails. Every day it’s a fight. I have to fight my environment. I have to fight doors being slammed in my face because of my skin. Fitness who know you need help and refuse, it’s a fight. A real fight. A fight for respect. A fight for love. Fight after fight after fight and I’m tired. I pray that this season makes you strong. I pray that you learn to accept the skin you’re in and love yourself no matter what. For all of my non-black friends who may not know how to convey their feelings in regards to the challenges we have to face, a text is more than enough. Your phone calls are more than enough and I pray that you gain wisdom wand understanding during this unprecedented time.
This is a very pivotal time in history for our nation. For our country and for black people all over the world who have been pushed down, day after day after day. Who have been murdered in cold blood by a force that you would is actually here to “Protect and serve.” It’s been a systematic oppression at every turn since slaves won their freedom. And all of us by generations and generations of suffering we’ve had to go through and here we are, at this very moment, still fighting for our lives on a daily basis. It is sad. I am angry and it has been very difficult consuming all of this information and all of the videos and pictures and commentary and people crying on their social media platforms crying out for freedom. Crying out to be heard. Crying out to not be a target or shooting practice for that matter. Why are we the hunted? Still? After all these years. After being ripped from our children and packed and shipped like useless cargo. Why us? Why US? Why??? Why do I have to be trained to love in fear of another man because of the color of my skin? Why does my son have to be afraid to go outside and play with his friends? Why do we have to be he’s down and be left out of conversations and political seats and corporate positions of power? Why? I just want to pursue my passions and raise my children in a place where they will not be judged for the color of their skin. And neither am I. Why is that so much to ask for?
I am trying really hard to not be emotional but to have a greater sense of logic on how to navigate through all of the road blocks being a black man in America may entail. It consumes a lot of my thought process. And I’m still trying to put it all together while in quarantine at that. Still trying not to be taken out by some random virus and the police at the same damn time…imagine that. Stay Black. Much Love Love
-Jermy ✊🏾💪🏾🙏🏽👑🖤
I don’t know…
I got writers block today. I have no idea what I want to talk about. All I know is that I have to say something because, well…I just feel that I have to. I know, it’s not a complicated throng but when you take a look into my mind, there’s definitely come complicating things going on in there. But for the most part, I am really enjoying where my life is taking me. I thank God for the wins and the “Losses” because they all work together for my self- development. I just try to stay focused on the things I’m working on and sometimes, it can be a little daunting but I love my life and where I’m at mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
it seems like every day there’s another hashtag of another name of a black man being murdered by police and I’m conflicted this morning. I can’t even lie. I don’t know wether to be angry or not, rebellious or not, tweet or not. I have no idea at this point. It’s like, what is the objective of it all? How long are we going to have this problem here in America? How are we supposed to live our lives freely without having to worry if this jog in about to take this morning, will be the very last jog I take? How am I supposed to trust that my son won’t experience racism at his school? Or get pulled over by police while hanging out with his friends? What am I supposed to do here as a black man, as a father of a black man, what am I supposed to do? How do we even stop this? Is there even a solution? What is it going to take for us to not feel like we are the hunted? What is it going to take to stand up for our brothers and sisters who are being pretty much assassinated by individuals who hate us? How am I supposed to deal with all of this? I’m just so hurt, and so confused and so frustrated that these killings are happening what seems to be an an accelerated pace.
my prayers and condolences to the many black brothers and sisters killed by the hands of the police. The ones who’s lives were cut short. And to the ones whose names never make it to even become a hashtag to begin with. My prayers are with you and I really hope we can slow this thing down. I really do pray for that. Much Love -Jermy
Level Up…
You know the vibes…it’s all about doing better for yourself. It’s all about elevating and reinventing yourself. The level up is important after any situation where things may not have gone well. It’s not important to the point where you have to act like you’re something you’re not in order to keep up with the Jones’s, because if you have to take a step back to go a few steps forward, that shouldn’t make you feel a way. But when you do leave one situation and head into another. You are heading into that situation with either a lot of confidence or a lot of baggage and who likes baggage, you know?
it’s been studied that work date “Up or across” when it comes to men after coming from a previous relationship. Men can “Date down” but ultimately, in the back of a lot their minds, they want to make sure that the next relationship they’re in, is an upgrade from their previous relationship. Women do it also, but I’m speaking from my perspective because I’m choosing my business as my next relationship. I found that every time that I try to give a full effort into my work and I’m dating someone, it always ends because it’s hard for some people to come to grips that somebody can in fact be committed to their work, more than the attention that they give to their partner. If you’re an insecure person that may need extra attention, it may be hard for someone to be in a relationship like that because you’re gonna have to know that you are at least number 4 on the priority list. God, myself, my son and my business are top priority and I think that I’m at a point where the focus has to be on my work. It’s what keeps me going.
I don’t want to sound like it’s vain or anything or even shallow but that’s just how I feel about the level up. The moral of this post is to bring encouragement to those who don’t believe that they even deserve better than what they had. The answer is that, you do. Even now more so.
You always deserve better. You should always be upgrading your situation. No matter what.
Take the time to work on yourself and try to heal from whatever you may have been hurt by in the past that will prevent you from being able to even receive a new person into your life in the first place. Discover more about yourself and take advantage of the time that was being spent pouring into someone else and pour into yourself instead. Much Love ❤️ -Jermy
