Just some thoughts…
I feel like I’m supposed to have words but I don’t. I have hate in my heart. I have fear for my life. Fear for my son’s life. I wish I could comfort those who need it but I’m empty. I’m just tired. Beyond exhausted. Undoubtedly distracted. I just want to delete everything but I can’t. I can’t NOT say anything.. cant NOT feel anything...what am I even supposed to do? I’m hurt today. Been hurt all week. People who you think are your friends are just familiar strangers. I gotta wear a damn mask everywhere...watching my back every turn in this environment. Don’t know who’s on my side or who isn’t. Don’t know Who understands and who doesn’t. People I have checked on when they were down don’t reach out. People who I have helped have shut me out but here I stand anyway...living and growing and learning every single step of the way. It’s just really frustrating and I just don’t want to talk but I would be just like the others who continue to bite their tongue on the injustice. Telling me to “Protest the right way” like they know what the fuck my life entails. Every day it’s a fight. I have to fight my environment. I have to fight doors being slammed in my face because of my skin. Fitness who know you need help and refuse, it’s a fight. A real fight. A fight for respect. A fight for love. Fight after fight after fight and I’m tired. I pray that this season makes you strong. I pray that you learn to accept the skin you’re in and love yourself no matter what. For all of my non-black friends who may not know how to convey their feelings in regards to the challenges we have to face, a text is more than enough. Your phone calls are more than enough and I pray that you gain wisdom wand understanding during this unprecedented time.
This is a very pivotal time in history for our nation. For our country and for black people all over the world who have been pushed down, day after day after day. Who have been murdered in cold blood by a force that you would is actually here to “Protect and serve.” It’s been a systematic oppression at every turn since slaves won their freedom. And all of us by generations and generations of suffering we’ve had to go through and here we are, at this very moment, still fighting for our lives on a daily basis. It is sad. I am angry and it has been very difficult consuming all of this information and all of the videos and pictures and commentary and people crying on their social media platforms crying out for freedom. Crying out to be heard. Crying out to not be a target or shooting practice for that matter. Why are we the hunted? Still? After all these years. After being ripped from our children and packed and shipped like useless cargo. Why us? Why US? Why??? Why do I have to be trained to love in fear of another man because of the color of my skin? Why does my son have to be afraid to go outside and play with his friends? Why do we have to be he’s down and be left out of conversations and political seats and corporate positions of power? Why? I just want to pursue my passions and raise my children in a place where they will not be judged for the color of their skin. And neither am I. Why is that so much to ask for?
I am trying really hard to not be emotional but to have a greater sense of logic on how to navigate through all of the road blocks being a black man in America may entail. It consumes a lot of my thought process. And I’m still trying to put it all together while in quarantine at that. Still trying not to be taken out by some random virus and the police at the same damn time…imagine that. Stay Black. Much Love Love
-Jermy ✊🏾💪🏾🙏🏽👑🖤
