Unclenched Fists

As I write this today, I find myself in a place where I’ve never been before. I find myself in a place of uncertainty. Usually, I kinda know where I’m going, what my next move is, and how to properly make the transition as smooth as possible. But today, right this very second, I don’t. And honestly, I don’t really see it as a bad thing.

Could I have maybe done some things to make this time of transition a lot smoother? Absolutely. I probably could have saved some money here and there. Could I have been less content with where I was and zoomed out a little more to see the bump in the road? No question about it. Do I regret it?

Absolutely the fuck NOT.

I have always been the one to take the road less traveled. I believe in my skills, my talents and gifts, my resources and network, and trusted family and friends to help aid me when needed. But this is the first time where I’ve truly had to “go at it alone,” and quite frankly, it’s been a challenge. I can really only see one or two steps ahead of me when I’m used to seeing things three, four, even five steps ahead. I don’t know why things look gray and foggy right now, but what I DO know is that I’m on the right path.

I’ve given up on things. I’ve learned to make adjustments. And I’ve also scaled my life down to a roller suitcase, backpack, and a duffle bag. A man who’s used to owning a lot of things — sneakers, clothes, all of that — now has just two pairs of running shoes and some Birkenstocks. And honestly?

I love it.

I didn’t think that with all the great, fun, and impactful things I’ve accomplished in my life, I would be writing this while sitting in a hostel in the Valley, patiently waiting for word on a new job that I’m starting. A new job that I have to take a drug test for. Now, even saying that out loud sounds crazy to me because almost every job I’ve ever had never required it, which allowed me to live a life that included smoking weed every day for the past eight years. Most of it was cope. Well… all of it was coping.

I had birthed a habit that took a lot of weight off my shoulders and helped me escape from my problems, except the only problem was that the problems never actually went away. It was a habit I wasn’t proud of. It took a lot of money out of my pocket, made me unmotivated and content, and somehow I still convinced myself it was helping me. Only thing was… it had slowly become a crutch.

I was afraid to face my own fears and problems, and it eventually put me in an awkward position. Now today, I’m speaking from over 40 days and counting of being cannabis-free, and it’s rather interesting that the timing of me putting weed down was just enough time for me to confidently take a drug test for a job that I currently need to help transition me into the next phase of my life. The timing is beyond my comprehension, and I thank and praise God for helping me make the decision cleanly and decisively. The very thing that I sought comfort in was actually contributing to what was making my life uncomfortable.

I live and I learn and I evolve and grow. And I continue to do so daily. But this post today isn’t about my release from cannabis.

It’s about releasing altogether.

I have a huge problem with holding on to things for too long. People. Places. Things. Staying in relationships too long. Working jobs too long. Holding onto possessions for too long. And the list goes on and on. But what I found inside that tightly clenched fist was all the things I truly wanted in life:

More fun. More peace. More wisdom. Better relationships. Better opportunities. And the biggest one of all: My self-worth.

I realized that everything I want is not on the other side of some mountain where the grass is greener, or behind some magical “what’s behind Door Number Three?” type of deal. It is — and always has been — connected to what I was willing to let go of. To get what I want simply by unclenching my fists, opening my hands, and releasing the things that I thought loved me, had my back, cared for me, and so much more. And when I finally decided to let go… better things replaced it. And at the end of it all, I found myself sitting in the palm of my own hands. I was what I was looking for the entire time. Yet I kept trying to fill that space with people, places, and things. I put myself out and invited everybody else IN.

I abandoned everything I was because I wasn’t confident enough and didn’t love myself enough to depend on who I was as a person. I didn’t value myself first, which in turn allowed everyone and everything else to place that value on me instead. And in the end, all it did was make me bitter, fill me with resentment, and send me on a lifelong journey of shame, ridicule, and being hard on myself. I put unnecessary pressure on myself during times when I simply needed to be cool and trust the process. Times where I placed other people’s perception of me above my own because I didn’t like what I saw in myself when I looked in the mirror.

My abandonment issues were bursting out of the seams, and it eventually put me in a place like today, where I trusted other people with my life and decisions instead of manning the fuck up, taking the reins over my life, and living things out on my own terms.

So yes… today I’m sitting in a random-ass hostel in the Valley, waiting on the next chapter in this saga called my life. Starting over. From scratch. But this time, it’s not because someone gave me a handout or had to come save me. I don’t need saving.

My pride and ego might need saving, but me — Jermy — I don’t need saving.

I trust God for where He has me, and even though things may seem uncomfortable and unfamiliar, I no longer feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar with myself. I’m super aware of who I am as a man. All of my shortcomings… as well as all of the beautiful things about me too. And honestly, even typing that sentence made me realize something: I still acknowledged the shortcomings first. And I’m working on that. Because I am a work in progress, but I’m still a beautiful person. Talented. Smart. Caring. And someone with a genuinely good heart. Not because I need to validate myself — because I don’t. I say those things because they are simply the truth.

So today, I write this post from unclenched fists and an open heart. Because I’ve been through a lot in my life, and I’ve had to learn many of these lessons repeatedly. Not because I’m a slow learner… but because I’m finally patient enough with myself to be kind to myself instead of beating myself up. I let it GO.

And I pray whoever reads this learns to let things go too.

Much Love,

Jermy

Ten Things I Learned In 45 Years..

I’ve been blessed to make it to 45 years on this wonderful planet called Earth. Over the years, I’ve picked up a lot of lessons. Some came from good experiences, others from hard ones—but all of them taught me something. I took some time to reflect on what I’ve learned so far, and I wanted to share a few of those lessons with you.

1. “Focus beats talent”
Pick something and stick with it long enough to get dangerous. I used to be someone who had a lot of things going on at once, spinning multiple plates. But I’ve learned that focusing on one thing at a time creates the kind of consistency and momentum you need to really grow and get good at something.

2. “Not everyone is meant to stay”
I learned this the hard way. I’ve always valued friendships deeply—maybe even too much. At times, I let certain relationships define me, not realizing that some people are only meant to be part of a season, not your whole story.

3.“Discipline creates options”
The more consistent you are, the less chaotic life feels. You won’t always feel like doing what needs to be done, but showing up anyway builds progress—and it becomes a real measure of your growth. Do it, especially when you don’t feel like it.

4. “Marriage ain’t for everybody”
I understand my experience isn’t everyone else’s. But one thing I’ve learned is this—whether it’s marriage, business, or friendships, it’s not about looking the part. It’s about actually being the right fit.

5.“Don’t take it personal… even when it feels personal”
This is one I still work on. I tend to take things personally. I often assume people are intentional with everything they do. Over time, I’ve learned that not everything is about me—and holding onto that mindset has helped me find a little more peace.

6.“Believe in yourself, always”
Self-explanatory.

7.“Peace is more valuable than being right”
Not every battle needs to be fought. Sometimes, winning an argument costs you your peace—and that’s too expensive.

8.“Your environment matters more than your intentions”
Where you are matters. You can want better for yourself all day, but if you’re not in an environment that supports growth and healing, you’ll find yourself repeating the same patterns.

9.“Healing is your responsibility”
What happened to you might not be your fault—sometimes it is—but either way, healing from it is your responsibility. Nobody’s coming to do the work for you. Take the time you need and do it.

10.“Time tells the truth about everything”
Everything reveals itself in time—your growth, your struggles, your healing, your relationships. I’ve learned to let things play out. It’s helped me develop patience and worry a lot less.

There’s still so much left for me to learn, and I’m looking forward to the lessons ahead just as much as the ones behind me. I’m still growing. Still learning. And if any of these help you move a little smarter, a little calmer, or a little more intentionally—then sharing this was worth it.

Much Love,
Jermy

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“All That Glitters: The Cost of Coming Out Too Early”

When I was younger, I was always outside. Parties, events, cookouts, gatherings — if something was happening, I was there. Sometimes I was hosting, sometimes I became the life of the party, but either way, I stayed busy and social. Being outside wasn’t just something I did — it became part of who I thought I was.

So the first time I really couldn’t be outside like that anymore, it messed with me. I felt this tension in my gut, like I was missing something important. That feeling we now call FOMO — the fear of missing out — was real for me. And if you don’t get a handle on it, it can run your life, especially when you’re going through something and probably need isolation more than activity.

This is actually the longest stretch I’ve gone without being socially active. And when I say “outside,” I mean being at events, gatherings, functions — constantly around people. At some point, I had to hit the brakes. I realized I was going out just so I wouldn’t feel like I was missing something, not because I actually wanted to be there.

What I didn’t realize until it happened is how much divorce impacts every part of your life — mentally, spiritually, and financially. When you’re used to living one way and suddenly have to scale everything back, your ego takes a hit. And trying to stay socially active while you’re quietly falling apart inside only makes things worse.

I was trying to come outside before I had healed. I’d be around friends and family feeling awkward, hurt, and disconnected because I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I had lost so much of my identity in my marriage that I didn’t know who I was supposed to be after it ended. I should’ve stayed home and done the work, but instead I kept trying to prove I was okay when I wasn’t.

And the truth is, it’s okay to miss out sometimes. You don’t have to be everywhere. Some seasons you’re flying to Turks and Caicos; other seasons you’re just going to the movies or staying home. Sometimes you have to tell people no. Social media doesn’t help either — watching everyone live their lives while you’re trying to rebuild yours can make you feel inadequate fast.

But this season isn’t about what you’re missing. It’s about getting familiar with yourself again. Learning your worth. Taking the time to put work into yourself so when you do step back outside, you do it with confidence and stability, not desperation or insecurity.

Because the reality is, a lot of being outside is just appearance. It’s fun, it’s social, but what happens when you can’t participate? Are you okay being alone? Are you okay watching others travel and live it up while you’re home healing, stacking money, and rebuilding yourself so when your time comes again, you can show up whole?

I’ve been divorced since 2018 after a ten-year marriage, and I’d be lying if I said I was completely healed. Every time I think I’ve moved past something, another memory or emotion pops up. Healing isn’t linear. And on top of that, the changes in my relationship with my son have hit me harder than anything. I had a picture in my mind of what marriage and fatherhood would look like, and life didn’t play out that way.

Even though I was the one who asked for the divorce, it still hurts. I’ve dated since then, moved forward in some ways, but parts of that experience still live in me. And learning how to go through those feelings instead of running from them has been one of the hardest challenges of my life. But I know I need to work through it so my heart is eventually free enough to love someone else without carrying old trauma into something new.

So what does “all that glitters ain’t gold” really mean? Sometimes what looks good on the outside isn’t ready underneath. Sometimes even we aren’t as healed or prepared as we want people to believe. And that’s where discernment comes in — learning from experience, becoming self-aware enough to know when something is real and when it’s just shiny on the surface.

And that includes ourselves. Sometimes we’re the thing that glitters but isn’t gold yet.

The real work is getting to a place where you’re okay being alone long enough to become solid. To stop sending signals that you’re ready when you’re not. Maybe you need more time, more money saved, more self-love, more healing. Pretending you’re fine while still carrying open wounds only hurts you and the people around you.

I had to learn that sometimes you have to go quiet. Let people miss you. Step back and fix what needs fixing. Because when you’re not healed, your energy can push people away, and then it’s easy to fall into victim mode and blame everyone else instead of taking accountability for your own growth.

So how do you know if something that glitters is actually gold? Experience. Self-awareness. Learning from mistakes. Doing the work so when you step back outside, you’re showing up whole. And the question becomes: are you okay walking into the jewelry store again after being hurt? Are you willing to do the work to become ready instead of just looking ready?

Because the worst thing you can do is send the wrong signal — to present yourself as healed when you’re still recovering.

My hope is that you get to a place where you’ve done enough inner work that you can genuinely pour into others. Where you’re mentally and financially stable enough to enjoy life again without feeling like you’re chasing something or running from something.

Because sometimes what looks like missing out is really just preparation. And when your time comes again, you won’t just glitter — you’ll actually be gold.

Much Love,

Jermy

Life Be Lif’n..

Life isn’t sunshine and rainbows. That’s just not how it works. There will be pain, and there will be joy — and through it all, you’re here to experience life in its full splendor, with a front-row seat to everything it brings.

When you go through trials, remember they aren’t here to break you — they’re here to build you. They shape your character. They strengthen your mind. They remind you how strong you already are, and where you still have room to grow. Over the years, through my fair share of ups and downs, I’ve learned this much: you are built to withstand pressure. You are built for the storm.

You might not realize it while you’re in the middle of it, but the fire is refining you. Life was never meant to be good all the time. Yet we’ve been conditioned to say “Everything’s fine” when people ask how we’re doing. For many of us, that’s just a front. The truth is, most people are carrying real life shit — things we don’t always know how to share. Sometimes we’re lucky enough to have people we trust who can lend an ear or a shoulder. Sometimes we’re carrying it alone.

But I want you to hear this: whatever you’re going through, it’s temporary. You’re going to make it.

I’ve had moments where life felt like it was beating me down — moments where I didn’t know how things were going to work out, or if I even had the strength to get through the storm. But nobody gets through life untouched. You’ll be insulted, blessed, disrespected, loved, betrayed — and everything in between. And still, you will endure.

Be of good courage.

Spend time in solitude. Learn to enjoy your own company. Get still enough to hear the voice of the One who leads and guides you daily. Be kind to yourself. And remember — the best is still ahead of you. Blessings always live on the other side of trials and tribulations.

Much love,
Jermy