Communication is Key..
I’ve always been, at least in my mind, a great communicator for the most part. I’m great speaking in public, I’m an actor, I’ve hosted talent shows and events, I’ve done college radio, I do podcasts, I communicate. But even with all of those great gifts, the one thing I was never good at was expressing myself in relationships. I would much rather tuck my feelings or opinions in because of how I think people would react to them. Maybe, I was just afraid of what people would think and would react in a way that would make me feel like, I don’t know, like someone would reject me if I did. Dealing with rejection takes a lot of inner work and a great deal of time to repair, especially when you don’t know the root of where the behavior comes from. It took me a long time to find the answers to questions that would unlock the freedom of my drive and ambition. It’s what carried me this far.
When I stopped caring about what other people thought of me, I was known to have great success. Fortunately for me, I was able to find a way to liberate myself from something that I felt was a major component to a lot of things that were passed down to me, generationally. Not being able to verbally communicate to other people, especially when in a relationship is one of the things I find that a lot of people struggle with. Sometimes it’s fear, sometimes it’s ego, sometimes it’s just inexperience. But the way I challenged myself to be better in that area is just facing the tough conversations you may want to have with the person that you are in a relationship with. If you have anxiety or some sort of uneasiness with fully communicating your feeling towards someone, take that time as an opportunity to display courage.
I find that a lot of times in relationships, you never really know what your significant other may have experience in past relationships so you first have to learn not to take things too personal.
Honesty is another component to being a great communicator in my relationships. When I was married, I always used suppressed my feelings whenever I felt a way about something. I realize now, in retrospect, that it was an unhealthy decision to make because I was just avoiding conflict instead of being honest. This method is not only counter productive, but brings a great deal of built up emotions that have been swept under the rug and after awhile, those emotions begin to pile up and you find yourself in a situation that not only effects you but effects others and that can easily be alleviated by just simply speaking up when you feel something bothering you. Even in times when things are great, you should still communicate. It’s better to keep that line of communication open early so that you can have a lot less on your plate mentally as well as emotionally.
Not being able to commit effectively also takes a toll on your mental health. You’ll find some days where you’re now trying to rationalize thoughts that are of times negative to begin with and now you’re stuck in this mental mind storm of scenarios to figure out ways to still get your point across and not ruffle any feathers or rub someone the wrong way.
Be kind to yourself and love yourself enough to have the courage as well as the enthusiasm to be a great communicator in your relationship, business dealings, on your team, anywhere. Never be afraid to express how you feel at all times. Always voice how you feel when you feel it and your significant other will thank you for it in the end. Because, the bottom line is that women know! lol They just do! What can I say? They’re gonna know if we are holding back something because it is very difficult to hold things inside. Especially if it’s something that’s really bothering you. It’s going to alter your behavior because I can probably bet that most most times, like myself, I’m always in my head.
Most women pick up on that and it is very fortunate to find someone who you can verbally express things too. Even as a black man, it takes a certain woman to be able to listen to what you have to say but it takes a certain kind of person to set the table to where you feel safe to even come to a place to where you are comfortable enough to express yourself.
Daily Inspirations…
“Christian Genius Billionaire” Kanye West
Now available: “Highly Favored” by Goodness & Mercy
Can you name all 12??
“Miss Janet”
Skin..
Me & Mya….Lincoln senior prom circa 1999
Because well, I love rice 🤷🏾♂️ lol
I thought today was Sunday…
The quarantine is starting to mess with my sense of time, like seriously! I woke up this morning at 5:30am with the feeling that today was Sunday. You always hear people say certain days have a feeling, “It feels like a Tuesday” or most people’s personal favorite, “It feels like it’s a Friday!” I never thought that theory made sense until I posted on my Instagram (@jermysaintlouis) and I said in the caption, “Happy Sunday!” Until one of my good friends DM’d me to remind me that today is in fact SATURDAY! 🤦🏾♂️
So, my Virgo brain took over and proposed a question: “If it was so easy to feel like I was 24hrs ahead of everybody for an extended period of time, and I believed it and operated in that “Sunday energy,” what else could I think of that I can believe in, so convincingly?” I really had to take a minute to process that question because when you think about time, what is it really? It’s really a feel. There is no time. That’s not how God operates anyway… I’m going to think of some feelings that make me behave in a way that truly feels good and convinces my subconscious that this feeling is actually occurring because the body doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s fake except for what the mind is perceiving at the moment. If you have ever been chased by a dog, or another person for that matter, your mind will remember that moment because it is designed to keep you from danger. To keep you “Safe” or in better words “Fight or flight” mode. If you remember a time that you were afraid and saw it in your mind as a memory, your body is sure to respond because of the magnitude of the vision and how much it effected you. But what if you remembered good thoughts and moments. Times where you were celebrating something special like your first car or the first time you fell in love. The smell of the flowers you bought your mother as a “Just thinking about you” gift.. good times. Great times. Happy times.
The Bible says in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.”
So, instead of thinking that today is Sunday, I’m going to think of other things that will trigger my emotions in a positive way. Much Love Happy Saturday! lol
-Jermy